Hooray for Westwood

The other night I got to attend the premiere for the new Zac Efron movie, Charlie St. Cloud, you guys. If you know me at all, you would know I was pretty excited as soon as I saw the poster, way back when, because I love boys with good hair who gaze:

Hey, actually, guys, can we talk for a minute about how the new Google image search sucks? I had to find this image myself. It never would actually display an image of the poster of a movie that’s about to come out. WHAT THE HELL.

Anyway, I have lived in L.A. for awhile so I have worked a couple premieres before and even attended one (randomly, Juno, and all I really remember is my friend talked about wanting to kiss Ellen Page while we were standing very closely to her, oops, and that I was really sad Allison Janney wasn’t at the party), but I must say this was the most insane thing I’ve ever been to.

Why?

Uhhh. This is why:

APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE REALLY LIKE ZAC EFRON.

I mean. I think he’s dreamy and all. I think his hair is epic. (HIS HAIR IS EPIC.) But, dude. We were still driving to the valet, and with our windows up we could hear the screaming.

Holy crap. The screaming! It was like Beatlemania. Or some kind of deadly outbreak. Just. Decibel-splitting levels of lust and crazy.

I had to cross the red carpet to get inside the theatre, and I mentally thanked the blockades for existing and took out my camera to document the hoards of fans held back by said oh-yes-I-love-that-you’re-here blockades.

An unidentifiable girl yelled out: “How did YOU get a ticket???”

The question could be interpreted in a number of ways. Perhaps she asked everyone how they got a ticket to the premiere! Perhaps she thought I looked super unimportant! Perhaps she thought, how did that purple-striped-hair freak lady get in when I am but trapped beyond these horrible gates?

The crowd looked kind of threatening:

So instead of pondering the question or coming up with an answer, I retreated inside very, very quickly, and drank a free Diet Coke.

My favorite moment of the night was, obviously, being yelled at on the red carpet. This was my second-favorite moment:

We were waiting in line for the bathroom once we got to the afterparty. There is a tiny commotion of sound, and then I hear the voice of a dude I think I know. But it is not a dude I know! It is Zac Efron, who has just exited the men’s room. (Stars! They’re just like us!) All the girls behind us in line are little (hey, what did you do when you were twelve, guys? for me it was NOT “attend premiere afterparties”) and they are FREAKING OUT. FREAKING OUT!

Two speak to him. He is so nice to them! What a class act. They get back into line. They are so weak after this encounter they must face the wall and lean on it for support. The first exclaims, “OH MY GOD I SPOKE TO HIM HE SPOKE TO ME OHHHHH MY GOD” and I’m not gonna lie, if He Of Epic Hair ever spoke to me I might have this reaction too, at least internally.

Her friend shrieks in horror! “HE’S STILL STANDING RIGHT THERE! HE CAN HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW!!!!!!”

I have never heard such an amazing unique mix of love, lust, and fear distilled into two short statements in my life.